Nothing says loving like something from the oven. Some people quote Plato, today I quote the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Not only is he wise, but he never worries about his waistline. In preparation for a quick trip to visit my mother, I knew I couldn't leave home without cooking a few things for Roger and the canine kids. Having a really busy week, I decided to use some of the basics I always keep stocked. This part is always fun. My challenge is to whip up something tasty that will keep for a few days. So, I stand in front of the refrigerator, with the door open, gazing. That is exactly what my mother told me not to do, and I told my kids not to do. "Don't let the cold air out" reverberates in my brain with " look both ways" and "don't talk to strangers". Those rules no longer apply when you have achieved menopause status. Standing in front of that open cold blast of air is therapy not wasteful.
Back to meal prep. I take out a bag of frozen chopped broccoli, a fresh lemon and some grated sharp Romano. Because the broccoli was quick blanched in the freezing process, I just open and let it drain as it thaws in a colander. I put on a pot of water to boil some pasta. Like any good Italian girl, I always have a selection of different pastas on hand, just in case company comes. God forbid you can't feed eight people who happen to drop by! I pull out a box of rotini. Those little spirals will catch the cheese and the dressing for the most flavor. While the pasta is cooking, I zest and juice the lemon. I make a dressing of the lemon juice, a little sugar, cracked black pepper, a little minced garlic and olive oil. When the pasta is done, I rinse it to cool it off, toss it with the broccoli, lemon zest, the dressing and about half a cup of the grated cheese. Tastes great and I feel virtuous because broccoli is so good for you.
On to the second dish of quick fixings. I start opening cans. Black olives, red kidney beans, garbanzo beans. Drain and and toss together with chopped celery, red onion, a crisp red pepper and fresh chopped parsley. Since I don't have any feta cheese and the olives are ripe, not Kalamata like I usually use, I chop some pepperoncini for an added pop of flavor. I make dressing with white balsamic vinegar, olive oil, coarse salt and dill. I know Roger will eat this right out of the container. It is a good thing that I will be four hundred miles away should he eat all of the beans at one time.
Of course, I can't leave home without cooking for the dogs. We add lean ground turkey and beef to their kibble. On occasion, we add baked salmon. When the frying pan comes out of the cabinet, Mattie knows it is just for her. She will sit in the kitchen until the meat cools knowing what treats are in store. Bentley, the golden retriever kleptomaniac assumes everything in the kitchen is a treat for him, dish towels, egg slicers, carving knives. We now have a new routine. He steals something and runs. Mattie, the cocker spaniel and too short to raid the counter top, heads straight to the kitchen, sits by the treats cabinet and waits patiently. Bentley watches for me and hopes I will be in hot pursuit. Rather than wrestle a carving knife out of his mouth or encourage him to run with sharp objects, I call out "want a treat? " and he trots off to the kitchen to barter his treasure. Now he really gets conflicted. He LOVES treats but he loves to hoard his stolen goods too. Mattie is sitting there gloating " I am the good child". All I have to do is give her a treat first and he will drop the knife, remote control, or shoe in exchange for food.
Sometimes I wonder who has trained whom in our house.
We all have different ways of showing love. We also have different ways of feeling loved. That is why the book THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Gary Chapman soared to the top of the New York Times Bestseller list when it came out years ago. Originally written as a guide to happy marriage, the principles apply to all relationships. It is also an important part of self discovery. Recognizing what makes someone else feel loved allows you to create an emotionally healthy family and long lasting friendships. It can even translate to the workplace by fostering understanding and empowerment among colleagues.
In a nutshell, the five languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Recognizing what makes you feel loved and communicating that to your partner, or others important in your life prevents a lot of disappointment, resentment and hurt. For some children to feel loved, taking time to play with them rather than buying them a toy is more valuable. A spouse may feel more loved when their partner initiates sex or just offers a good back rub. The point is that often you need to give what someone else wants to receive not what YOU want to receive to feel loved. When you master that perception, joy flows for everyone.
My natural inclination is to show love by acts of service in the kitchen. I create dishes with great delight knowing how much someone will enjoy it. Recently I made lamb osso bucco with creamy polenta because I knew a friend, Bruce would love it. Last year, he and Ann gave me the most beautiful chopping knife for my birthday. It is one of my all time favorite gifts! I use it every day and I know he gets a kick out of seeing me enjoy it when they come for dinner. Bruce makes the best minestrone in the world. I would never attempt to compete and removed this dish from my repertoire knowing I can count on him. When he is simmering a pot, he always includes us. Now that is love!
My visit to my mother is timed to coincide with a visit from my uncle. Somehow our family has spread out all over the country. My mother's first question is always "what do you want to eat when you come?" Frank is THE only Italian man I know who doesn't cook EVER. Maybe forty years in the restaurant business has caused the kitchen to feel too much like work. Like the rest of the family, Frank loves ( or lives ) to eat. Right away he put in a request for lasagna and sausage, peppers and roasted potatoes. My mother knows her sausage stuffing for turkey is one of my favorites. So when I arrive a few days in advance of my uncle, I am greeted in the walkway with the fragrance of simmering marinara. I let myself in to find Mom in the kitchen stirring the gravy and the turkey and stuffing are already in the oven.
I feel SO loved!
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